Moments of Anticipation

Have you ever hiked up to a mountain peak? You feel as if you have been forcing your body to move upward for ages sometimes with the goal of beholding the magnificent view just beyond the peak as your only motivation? I love to hike; I can't express the joy I feel when I reach that peak and look out over the valley. Accomplishment of the difficult journey makes the sight all the more beautiful.

Life is often compared to hiking a mountain. All of life is full of ups and downs, mountains to climb, rocks for us to help each other over; many metaphors are found from the idea of hiking. There must be a strong reason for this. It is so easy for us to relate! I want to share another life/mountain comparison I am currently in.

On an extremely difficult hike it is easy to get discouraged, often with feelings of being unable to accomplish the task you set out to do. The past few months have felt like this for me. My trials are very minute in comparison to what others go through, yet to me there have been many days I have been near collapsing to the ground and giving up. Miraculously I find my Savior, Jesus Christ, is there to support me and encourage me to keep going. In fact I feel as if I have come so far I am nearing the peak of this current set of trials. It's that moment of anticipation where I can see the peak ahead of me! It's almost within my reach!

It is still a peak though; I do not know how steep it will be to get there, and I am not sure what lies beyond it. I am stuck in these moments of anticipation. I am filled with excitement for what is just around the corner. My heart is warm with love for what could possibly be there.

I also have fears and doubts about what will be there. Will it be everything I expect? What do I even expect it to be? Am I ready to face what will be there?

I don't know. Truly, I don't know. 

Because of this unknown, right now I am trying to enjoy this moment I am in. Enjoying the excitement and mystery of the unknown isn't easy, but I am trying.  All too quickly these moments will pass and I will climb that peak to behold my next adventure. I need to enjoy my time now.

Are you enjoying every moment? Even the painful moments of anticipation?

Let me know if you have any ways to enjoy these moments. My project for the next month will be to find ways and I will report back!

Each Day is a New Adventure

It has definitely been over a month since anything was posted, but life has a way of constantly throwing us for a loop. I finished up finals at my third semester at BYU. I was seriously so excited to not fail. World History was kind of up in the air, but thank goodness I passed with the minimum requirement to not fail. Pretty ecstatic. I am now only two years away from graduating!!! Whoot, whoot. Though I should probably now knock on some wood and pray I am able to get into all the classes I need to. 

In between all the studying and test taking, my roommates and I definitely made sure to still stay up until midnight laughing and playing card games. 

Like this picture for example! This was probably taken around one in the morning, way after when I should have gone to sleep.  Yet we were having too much fun to stop. It is moments like this that make me grateful for them. I could not make it through the ups and downs of 2015 without their encouragement and love. 

Not only did I finish up the semester in the past month, but I also went back to visit my mission! It was so exciting and such a blessing. I went back with one of my former companions, Sister Jicha and it was quite fun. I saw the beach for the first time and since we were no longer missionaries we were able to play in the water. Goodness, those beaches are beautiful. Many pictures were taken, but I will only include two. 

As part of this trip we went to visit two of Sister Jicha's other areas before getting to Baker. In all honesty, that portion of the trip was extremely difficult for me. It was hard to see all of these wonderful people she had met as she continued her mission while I had only had one area. There were times I felt inadequate and like a failure for returning home early. Many prayers were said and calls to my parents were quite frequent; through it I was again reminded that there were specific reasons things happened as they did. 

Eventually we made it to Baker, Florida and it felt like coming home. I was so amazed at how comfortable I felt being with those I had grown to love during the nine months I had served there. I felt such a peace being there and any doubts I had felt about myself simply slipped away as I enjoyed delicious food, great people and wonderful Baker fields. 

We were lucky to have lots of fun experiences such as seeing baby goats, going shooting and the main reason we went to Florida attending the wedding of a sweet girl and a great guy! It truly was so fun. 

It was a wonderful trip and I was so grateful for the opportunity I had to go back. I can't even begin to express how blessed I was to have served in the Olive Branch. The members there were so caring and so thoughtful; they kept me going when there didn't seem like much to continue for. Baker, Florida really is like a tiny piece of heaven here on earth. 

Since coming back to Utah, I have tried to stay busy and remain productive. I am still living at college, working and trying to be social. It isn't easy, but I try. My roommate and I decided to actually be social and attend a ward activity. We were going to go classic skating and I surprisingly did well. I didn't fall, which is an accomplishment for me!  (Aren't we cute?)

My roommate didn't have the same luck. One unfortunate fall the wrong way and we were on our way to the emergency room. The poor girl ended up with a fractured ankle and many more troubles than we could have imagined when we started the night. 

Moral of the Story? Don't be social. 

As I watch her struggle with simple tasks, such as walking, I realize how quickly things can change as well as how many things we take for granted. Like, if I wanted to I could go for a run, or I can skip down the street. Each of us has our own trials and they truly are perfectly tailored to our needs. 

This girl is my hero though. She is going through so much, yet she is still trying to stay positive. Each problem that arises, she tries to face with a brave heart despite any concerns she may have. We've looked for what can be learned, and continued to laugh at the little things we can. Each day must be taken one day at a time, and as I'm learning sometimes even one hour at a time.

Life certainly isn't easy, but there are so many moments that make it worthwhile. 

My One Year Mark

Today I have been filled with interesting emotions. In fact this whole past weekend has been crazy for me. 
One year ago today I came home from my mission. 
  So I loved my mission. I was blessed to serve in this rural town on the Florida/Alabama border, or as many locals say "The Great State of L.A." (Lower Alabama). I loved being there and sharing my testimony of Jesus Christ and the Book of Mormon with those I was with. Yet it wasn't all sunshine and paradise. 
There were a lot of ups and downs. While I was serving there I was diagnosed with depression. Although treatment was sought and different things were tried in the end it was decided I should come home. 

It was extremely difficult to take off this name tag for the last time, yet I knew it was what Heavenly Father had planned for me. I never doubted that I would be abandoned. I always knew my Savior would be with me. 

And He never did. In the past year I have witnessed many miracles. Things have happened that I couldn't even have dreamed would have happened had I not returned from my mission earlier than initially planned. 
On this day I just want to share my testimony with all of y'all. 
I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. We truly cannot begin to comprehend the amount of love He holds for each of us. He sent His Son as a sacrifice for each of us! Jesus Christ is alive today. He came to the earth where He atoned for each of our sins, struggles, pains, trials. Through that He understands exactly how we each feel throughout all of our difficulties. I have felt His strength beside me during the most difficult times as well as the joyous. Over the past year I went through trials I had never imagined yet because of that my faith was stretched to the limit and my testimony grew to encompass more faith and knowledge. 
It was hard to come home, but through all that happened I learned one thing I will forever share with the world.

WE ARE LOVED. 

Confession Time

I have a problem.... 

Last week one of my roommates bought each of us a NERF gun with intentions of battle. Super fun right? I was excited and also slightly frightened when I came home to find it on my bed. 

I mean look at this thing! Tiny, but boy it packs a punch! 

So anyways, we had a mini-war and it was disastrous. My aim STINKS. Pretty much the only time I managed to hit my roommates were the times I wasn't aiming for them. I think that takes a different kind of talent, but they don't agree. After being embarrassed, I decided I need to do some target practice, I started shooting various things around the apartment. This is where the problem comes... 

I have become addicted to my NERF gun. I LOVE shooting things and pretty much anytime I am home I have the gun beside me practicing. There is just this sense of power I gain from hitting a target. In that instant I feel I can accomplish anything. 

This is my "Power" view. 

I still don't have the best aim; maybe hitting half the times I shoot, but I am getting better. This whole ordeal just goes to show two things. 

1) Practice makes you better. It doesn't matter what you practice you will become better. Piano, crocheting, baking, shooting, it all works the same with practice. You put forth some effort, you slowly will master what you work on. 

2) Addictions can come from anything. This is probably what scares me most about this. I have literally become addicted to shooting a silly piece of plastic. Without any thought I find myself picking it up, gathering bullets and shooting a paper lantern down from the ceiling. (Shhh, don't tell my roommate.) But seriously, this is so sad! From this I have realized how important it is for me to watch what I do with my life. One little decision could lead to me becoming addicted to some unpleasant things. 

So while this isn't a serious confession it is an opportunity for me to look into my actions. Am I putting my "practice time" into what should be practiced? 

Who knows? Probably not and I should probably start working on some other things. But for now I will shamelessly wait for my roommates to return home.

THIS IS WAR. 

My "Musts"

So last week I felt like I hit the end of my rope. I ended up going home late Saturday night and spending the weekend talking things through with my mom. During the course of the discussion we developed a list of 

My Five Musts.

This is a list of the five things I must do daily. They include:
1. Breathe
2. Eat
3. Sleep
4. Pray at least once a day
5. Read at least one verse of scripture a day

That's it. Nice and simple.

Now before you start to critique hear me out! This is my list of bare minimum, the things that must be completed.
I don't know about you but in my mind there is this lengthy list of things I "should" be doing daily. When I am unable to get those things done I get down on myself. It makes life pretty miserable when you feel you are never completing anything.

Hence my list. The first three are necessary for staying alive; the last two are necessary for keeping me connected to God. They really don't seem like much but on those days when I physically and mentally can only do so much it is nice to know there is a list that if I complete I have done enough.
Having this list for myself allows me to look back on my day with the attitude of accomplishment. If I have done my five things I completed what I set out to do. The day has been GREAT!
If there are days were I am able to do more than what is on my "Must" list that is just extra added bonus!
You made it to class today? Added bonus.
You were able to really study a couple chapters of the Book of Mormon? Added bonus!
You fed yourself today? Great! You did what you had to today! 

This is a great system for me! 

I think this is an idea each of us needs to consider for our lives. We each have a "must" list; honestly that list probably changes every few months or so. What is important to remember is that it isn't about all the "should's" but rather the "musts" that determine our success. And even then, if a day goes by and you didn't get all of your musts done that's okay, you simply have a new goal for tomorrow. 

Through what Lens

So yesterday I wore my glasses instead of my contacts like I normally do. As I was walking around campus I noticed a few things.

Maybe it's because I don't wear  my glasses often, but I was constantly aware of the rim around my eyes. It was always there; as if it was a magic barrier. The instant my eyes looked beyond the rim the world became fuzzy. Honestly it was a mess.

Yet once I allowed my eyes to cross back through the barrier and to stare through the lens designed for them the world made sense again. What had been blobs of color were now people, flowers, cars and all the other magnificent sights this world gives us daily. Literally my outlook on life changed from a slight shift of my eyes!
So what?

As I made this observance almost instantly I had two lessons come into mind.

1. There is a lot in life we don't know. Sure, as we grow up we are taught what is right and what is important, but then life comes and shoves us out into an unknown world. It doesn't take much, but suddenly we are beyond the rim. We have passed into a strange new world that doesn't made any sense. Some people will end up wandering this new realm lost for the rest of their lives. Others will notice the rim is still there and drift back towards it. Allowing ourselves to once again go past the rim and view the new world through the lens of what we previously knew allows the new, confusing world to make sense again. 

Which I guess brings me to my second realization.

2. What lens am I using to view my life? There are so many different "pairs of glasses" we could put on, each altering what we see. Am I viewing my life through the glasses I have imagined my peers use to view me? Am I looking through shades of depression? Or am I using the glasses of God?   How we look at life is going to make a difference in what life will bring. 

I haven't quite figured it out. There are still many days I try on multiple types of glasses and my view on life is like a roller coaster. But I have found one thing for sure:

There are glasses out there that let me see the world with joy. It isn't possible to wear them all day every day, but that doesn't stop us from trying them on. 

So whatever they may be, bright yellow frames, hipster, stylin' black, 

We need to choose to look through the lens of Joy. 

Mi Familia (Ha, I don't speak Spanish!)

So this is my family. We have a pretty great relationship. Not that you can tell from this picture.

We love to laugh. Ridiculously. One great thing is my parents always tried to have us eat dinner each night. The conversations can be serious, but usually range from quoting Winnie the Pooh to debating whether Gandalf or Dumbledore would win in a battle. (Pssh, Dumbledore all the way, who are we even kidding?)

Sure, we argue, but for the most part we all love each other.

My dad is great – he offers sound advice, has always shown the example of working hard and was the one responsible for instilling love for BYU football in me.

My mom is pretty much the best – I was blessed to have her stay at home, which meant anytime we needed anything (forgotten homework, feeling sick) she was there for us, she made the greatest birthday cakes and introduced me to the magical realm of reading.

My brother is a mini genius – give me a bucket of LEGOs and within a day he will have created multiple creations, all from his head! I have no clue how in the world he does it. He also is genius when it comes to editing videos, and he is becoming pretty fantastic at playing piano. Pretty much he is awesome.

My sister is the youngest and loves so many things – She is pretty great. She plays the cello, loves Calvin and Hobbes and is an example of creativity to me. She’ll come up with these drawings and I just marvel how she does it.

I am so grateful that we have been sealed together for eternity. There is just something so encouraging about knowing we'll always have each other. I guess having that knowledge makes it easier to keep working together and learning to be each other's strength.