A couple weeks ago, I posted about how difficult it is to keep going when you are stuck in-between major events. How do you keep going on, and especially stay happy, when there are so many things just beyond the corner?
As I have been going, I have realized (again) how important it is to walk
ONE STEP AT A TIME.
Simple, huh? Unfortunately, that is easier said then done. Yet, I keep finding ways. It's these little things I want to share with you now.
ONE - Find Something You Absolutely Love.
Alright, so let me show you my first pair of heels. Ever. Yes, you heard that right.
Let me explain. Growing up I was a pretty big tom boy. My cousins I played with were boys, the kids in the neighborhood I associated with were boys and I loved it. Given the choice I would much rather play in the mud then go play dress up. This became the identity I took as who I was. To give you an example, in junior high I really wanted to prove that I was not a girly girl. I wore a BYU teeshirt EVERY SINGLE day my entire seventh grade year. Do you realize how 1) crazy I must have been and 2) how impressive it was that I had enough BYU shirts to do that? I think I ended up having over 20; possibly even 30! Crazy!
Anyways, I digress. So growing up and through junior and high school I had built up this image of who I "was." As I continued to understand what I liked, what I wanted, I would see dresses, shoes, and even skirts that I loved. Yet if I tried it on, or even dare to wear it I would feel so self conscious or someone would make a comment that it really wasn't "me." I passed over many things I would have loved to own simply because it wasn't "me." Lame, right?
Well as I have graduated, gone to college, served a mission and gained some hard earned wisdom I have learned WHO CARES? No one else gets to decided what is me. If I like it then it is obviously me! A couple weeks ago when I went to Payless looking for some new flats, I saw these red heels. I fell in love! I looked at them for a while before deciding I should at least try them on, even though I still had that little voice in my head saying 'no, those shoes aren't you, they are way too girly.' Pushing those thoughts out, I tried them on; that decided it for me.
I bought them. I love them. Now every time I put them on it's an opportunity to celebrate a little victory. By wearing these, I am defining "ME", I get to say who I am and who I want to be. Feeling victorious makes me forget some of my struggles All because I found something I love.
TWO - Find Little Moments
I am not in school right now, I'm not working full time, nor am I even dating. I have a job, but don't get to work as much as I would like. There are days I feel useless and exceedingly anxious to get going with life. School is a few months away, working professionally is still a few years away, and who knows when marriage and family will be in my future. This is some of the reason for my anticipation.
It would be easy to lay in bed feeling sorry for myself, but instead I have been trying to go out and find fun. I'm trying to enjoy little moments with those who are in my life right now. A few examples are:
Playing NERTZ with my roommate. Unfortunately I don't have a picture with her, mostly because I was too busy gloating about my getting 40 cards in the middle, but we have been able to have quite a bit of fun.
Going to see "Inside Out" with some of my cousins. I haven't gotten to spend much time with these cousins, but now that we are all in the same county we decided it was time to go out, laugh and have fun together.
Attending the temple with one of my dear friends and former mission companions. I love the temple and this trip brought peace and strength in ways not often felt in daily life.
Each of these events may seem simple in of itself, but adding them together they create little pockets of sunshine to light up my life. What simple events do you have that make difficult times better?
THREE - Doing Things You Think Impossible.
This past week my family went to Zions National Park. Due to some health problems I have been suffering from since January we were worried I wouldn't be able to do much. We divided up with my brother and father going off on adventures and my mother and sister accompanying me slowly making our way up the trail.
One such slow ascent was going up to Angel's Landing. In case you don't know, this is a pretty strenuous hike that makes its way up the side of a cliff, through a canyon, up further and finally coming to the top where between two 1,000 foot drops you are able to look out to the canyon below. The boys took off on their own pretty soon after we started, and I slowly began trying to go as far as I can. Each turn presented a new goal to work towards and I needed to stop often to make sure I didn't get dizzy, but with my mom's help I kept going. Eventually we made it all the way up to Scout's Lookout, which was just a half mile short from the end of the trail. If it hadn't been for the steep drop offs, I would have begged to keep going, but with the possibility of collapsing unexpectedly that wasn't an option. Sadly, I turned around and went back down the trail.
It wasn't until I reached the bottom and looked back up that I realized what I had accomplished. Look at this!
You see the cliff behind my mother and me? That's Angel's Landing. Scout Overlook is that level, just further back where it is wider. The fact I made it up there is a miracle. Normally I can't even walk a flight of stairs without getting dizzy or my vision blurring. The fact I hiked uphill 4 miles is PHENOMENAL. I was so blessed to do the impossible. I know I only made it because I was given some extra strength from my Heavenly Father, but He couldn't have helped me if I had never tried.
My circumstances haven't changed. I'm still suck between numerous events such as waiting for school to start, exploring job opportunities and waiting for my best friend to return from his LDS mission. Anticipation is still building, but I am finding ways to deal with it. Not just deal with it, I am even enjoying it!
Life can be so good !!
